


It's Science Time

by audaciousAspiration



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alien Culture, Alien Invasion, Blood and Violence, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, F/M, Gen, Grubs, Human Experimentation, Human Lusii, Innuendo, Lusii, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Psychological Trauma, Slavery, assholes being assholes, based on the The conquering of Earth by an invading troll army series, im sorry, kinda dark but not as dark as you think, sarcastic assholes, scienterrorists, sollux is the helmsman, which is also based on Warbound Widow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 08:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10635669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audaciousAspiration/pseuds/audaciousAspiration
Summary: A cobalt-blooded scienterrorist studies the behavioral habits of humans so that they can enslave them better.  A can of beans sits in the corner and is of no relevance to the plot at all.  Suddenly, vive la revolution.Some credit to WarriorKiwi and TheLadySyk0.





	1. Chapter 1

Your name is Serapo Aerada, and you are a cobalt-blooded scienterrorist specializing in the field of xenobiology. 

As of recently, the Alternian Empire has assigned you to study the behavior of a mammalian species known as humans, which is native to a little blue planet called Earth.

You have had plenty of work experience, and you have the scars to prove it. You’ve seen dancing jellyfish that like to eat lava for breakfast. You’ve seen flying oinkbeasts that communicate by wiggling their tails. You’ve even studied honest-to-god leprechauns. Not the leprechauns. Anything but the leprechauns. The leprechauns are the one that scare you the most, but of course, you would never admit to that.

After all of that, you shouldn’t have been so surprised when you finally got to study something so fascinatingly trollish. 

Of course, there are plenty of differences between the two races. Some are obvious, some are not. Humans, upon reaching maturation, only grow to the size of a juvenile troll. Instead of having the familiar rainbow spectrum, their collective blood is a scandalous shade of red. While a juvenile troll’s eyes start out as a dark variant of gray, a human is born with eyes of almost any color, like green, blue, brown, or gold—a few even have a condition called heterochromia. Even their skin and hair comes in different pigments. 

Some highbloods have taken to using their soft hair for embroidery.

Personally, you think that’s stupid (both the embroidery and the usage of hair), but you’re not one to talk.

You've heard that the humans have lusii-like tendencies, and you've taken an interest in that behavior. You want to learn more about it. Both the female and the male raise their young, although after bearing children, the “mothers” lactate from their not-heftsacks in order to feed their young. You personally find this repulsive, but otherwise make no comment. Additionally, the humans are able to speak, fight, and learn. Without a doubt, being able to give them instructions is a useful skill. They can give the grubs a headstart on communication skills.

They’re a perfect match for a planet infested with snot-nosed wigglers.

Right now, you have been given clearance to carry out your experiment.

You managed to convince a couple janiterrorists to clean out this holding cell. Having blood and guts everywhere isn’t part of having a sterile environment. Mmm, sterile environments. You love sterile environments. You’re going to go thank them later.

You sit on your mildly-uncomfortable office chair and monitor the screen, watching as the guards unceremoniously drop the two unconscious humans on the ground.

One of the subjects is a “blonde” adult male, while the other is a “brunette” adult female. A doll resembling a human baby sits on the ground, its unrelenting gaze resting upon them. You’ve been trying your best to simulate a couple of parents, which they likely aren’t, but beggars can’t be choosers. It’s close enough, you suppose. 

As for the first part of the experiment, you are going to check if they are suitable lusii for their charges. There isn’t a way to determine that prematurely, but you think that seeing if they’ll defend themselves and their fake baby from a cholerbear is an accurate way of testing their parenting ability.

A similarly unconscious cholerbear is placed into the room, and the guards quickly abscond from the room, being careful as to not to wake it up. 

You shout into the microphone. “Hey there, humies! Get your lazy asses up, it’s science time!” Eheheh. Suckers.

Everyone jolts awake, including the cholerbear. And not even two minutes later, the cholerbear mauls them to death. 

You’re disappointed—not in remorse for the human’s deaths—but rather for the fact that they seem to be so incompetent at being a custodian. What kind of lusus can’t defend its own charge?

Pushing a small blue button on the control panel, you contact the neutralization units and request them to remove the cholerbear from the premises. You'll have to start all over again. Maybe pitting them against a cholerbear isn't the best way to determine their lususitude.

It’s going to be a long night.


	2. Semilegal Transaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serapo calls it a night and forgets about the lususitude trials.

You watch as the neutralization units—sorry, janiterrorists—tranquilize the cholerbear and drag the carcasses out of the room. One of the personnel looks particularly disgruntled, glaring at the camera as he leaves. You almost feel sorry for that little bastard. 

After you stuck your tongue out at him, you realize that he can’t see you. Oh well.

Sitting in another mildly uncomfortable office chair, your lab assistant peers at the monitor and snickers. 

“Recent experimentation performed on subjects P-315 and P-055 has lead to a revolutionary discovery: the humies at the mudball weren’t just asleep after all. They were dead all along! How could this be?” He gave a mock gasp and put a hand over his blood-pusher, imitating the helpless dames in those stupid romcoms.

You ignore him and bury your face in your hands. Sure, the show was amusing, but you’ve wasted this time and money. You’re sure that’s is a cullable offense. How could you do something like this?

Come on, you’re a highblood. You should be more than capable of answering this. What is the best way to determine a human’s lususing capabilities? You’ve spent a few minutes thinking about it, and you still can’t get the answer.

Wait a minute. You finally got it. Normal lusii just pick up a grub of their blood color and prance away, right? Of course, they only choose the survivors of the trials, since the survivors are the only ones left. You don’t remember your own trial very well, but at least you’re alive for now. Owlmom was the best lusus you could ever ask for. 

You digress. This is getting off topic.

Oh well. You’re simply going to buy some troll eggs from a semilegal business and see what happens. 

Troll eggs come cheap. After all, thousands of them are being pumped out of the Mother Grub’s hideous undulating asshole every month! The most expensive thing you need to worry about is the cost of delivery.

After you call the semilegal business over the trollphone (Why do they put the word "troll" in everything; you don't get it), you are reassured that the price is only 968 caegars, including the price for delivery. The relatively cheap price may have something to do with your implied subjugglator impersonation techniques. You’re very good at them, but you can never actually get the chucklevoodoos down. 

Can chucklevoodoos work against the other side of the phone in the first place? Huh.

You decide to call it a night and be the other guy instead.

Not that you can actually be him, eheheh.


End file.
